Ted 2

By: Robert Murphy

More than a few eyebrows were raised way back when the original Ted first received its shining moment. The foul mouthed little bear though charmed viewers like myself and others I’m sure with his humor, love of pot and his strong friendship to his best friend John (Mark Wahlberg). Now Ted returns to the screen once again but faces a whole new world of issues after getting married to his long time girlfriend Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth) and spending a year together in white trash bliss until it starts to fall apart. Naturally the solution is to have a baby to love and use it to ignore the bigger issues in the twos marriage. This is easier said than done given the fact that Ted isn’t exactly anatomically correct and technically isn’t what you define as human and therefore isn’t due human rights.

The overall premise for Ted 2 struck me as a truly unique one, sure it is obvious that Ted is not a human but he is still a being capable of thoughts, emotions and the ability to throw an apple really hard at jogger’s heads with deadly precision. His relationship with John was the true cornerstone of the first movie and proved without a shadow of a doubt that he is more than just what he appears to be and deserve more respect than what he gets. Enter Samuel L. Jackson (Amanda Seyfried) and no she doesn’t say motherfu#$%@ at all during the movie (bummer) but she does believe in Ted’s cause and will do anything to help him get his rights as a human being. Seyfried was an excellent addition to replace the absent Mila Kunis although her absence was surely missed even with Sam’s exploits in the courtroom and her compatible romance with the now divorced John. Mila’s absence could have been explained in a far different way than it is presented in the story, it seems things just didn’t work out and she tried to change John, but no amount of explanation can change the events of the first Ted movie and how it stinks that she isn’t still around.

This brings us back to John who takes a back seat this time around while Ted takes the main stage with his own issues. I don’t believe the issue lies with Wahlburg for why I didn’t enjoy his story this time around rather I just don’t think John fit well in the background after having much of the focus in the first film. Ted himself isn’t bad but like my issue with A Million Ways to Die in the West where I just didn’t think Seth MacFarlane has what it takes to be a main character, even if he is a talking teddy bear. John sulks over the loss of Lori (Kunis) for the first half of the story which is understandable after spending six years together but at a certain point you need to buck up because there is a time jump of over a year in the story. John’s solution comes with Sam who again does a brilliant job as the pothead lawyer and makes a perfect fit for the duo despite her lacking knowledge of movies and television shows.

The biggest risk that didn’t pay off for Ted 2 is two fold, one is with it’s attempt to rehash old jokes from the original movie and the second is the overstocked cast of celebrities brought in for bit parts. Among the few returning cast members was Patrick Warburton as Guy who continues his escapades after finding out he was secretly gay but this time around he more or less just makes bad jokes about it which came off as distasteful. There is also the return of Donny (Giovanni Ribisi) whose comeback revolved around a rehashed kidnapping scene with some slight variations but it felt like an ultimately pointless addition to what was going on. As for the new characters, Liam Neeson makes a brief appearance as a grocery store customer who is concerned about buying Trixs cereal because he isn’t a kid, an event which I expected to bear some meaning later on but never paid off. There are a few others but my main issue with all of these escapades was the fact that they felt like one off jokes that had no tie ins to the story whatsoever. They were basically like Peter Griffin cutaways and were completely redundant to the story and really furthered the slow uneven pacing for the whole story.

This isn’t to say that some of the jokes in Ted 2 are not new or the fact that some of the new actors did not do well. Perhaps my favorite but small running gags had to be how the internet is filled with a certain black male appendage and how you are never more than two clicks away from it. There was also the horribly funny discovery of John’s recent porn history and how most of his hard drive space was probably porn which was categorized perfectly, right down to the odd little kinks as well. Then there is perhaps the smallest but most influential addition to the story, powerful Civil Rights lawyer Patrick Meigan (Morgan Freeman) who steps in to help Ted win his case when things look bleak. Not that Sam does a bad job at it at all but Patrick brings things home with a compelling speech on what it means to be human and what defines it.

I’m a little torn when it comes to Ted 2 because of the moments where I truly laughed at the ridiculous exploits of Ted, Sam and John. The threes chemistry was perhaps even better than the one that Ted and John had with Lori but the bromance between the two is still going strong. However, the overall story was so disjointed and full of the classic Seth MacFarlane one off moments that he has used throughout his shows that I find myself not enjoying the experience as much as the first Ted which balanced a great story as well as good comedic moments.

Good:

- The new rude and crewd jokes hit their mark

- Ted and John are still one of the best movie pairs

- Some good returning characters and great new ones like Seyfried

Bad:

- An overall disjointed story

- Ted is not a compelling main character

- The better portion of jokes and returning moments are redone bits of the first film

Scully Rating: 5.0 out of 10