The Loft

By: Robert Murphy

You could have all the money in the world and still be unhappy enough to cheat on the beautiful wife you have waiting at home I suppose or better yet, you think you're smart enough to get away with cheating on your wife and she'll never find out. Yes, there are a million different stories of cheating husbands, many of which think they're so smart that their wives will never catch on or that they have found the perfect solution for never getting caught. To their credit, I thought the guys in The Loft didn't have such a bad idea when cocky architect Vincent (Karl Urban) gets his four closest friends to go in on a little idea of his. They're all apparently unhappy with their current situations so why don't we secretly buy a loft together for our own personal shag pad. Well, nice guy Chris (James Marsden), soft spoken Luke (Wentworth Miller), sexist pig Marty (Eric Stonestreet) and probable killer/half brother to Chris, Phillip (Matthias Schoenaerts), all decide to give it a whirl thinking what could go wrong, turns out a lot. 

What bothers me right from the get go in The Loft is the fact that the audience is just left to assume that all these guys want to cheat on their wives, except for Chris who initially turns down the offer until he meets the very attractive Anne (Rachael Taylor). We do learn more about these men later as the story flashes back and forth between the present and the events leading up to the five of them finding a dead blonde in their super secret hideout. But, I'll get to that. The only one of these men who seem to be slightly capable of ever cheating on their wives would be Vincent, the cocky look he has smeared across his face for the entire film makes it painstakingly obvious that this is just for him. The rest of them are there so he doesn't have to pay full price on the loft. They genuinely show no emotion one way or the other on what they're doing or what's going on around them. 

This is perhaps the other big other problem with the film, all five of these actors just coast their way through each and every scene with dumb struck looks on their faces. Well, save for Marty who has his mouth constantly flapping. The current Modern Family star shows just about the only emotion you'll see for the hour and a half long film but he overdose it by a long shot as if he's trying to shout out to everyone, "Hey, I can do other roles too! See?!" The rest of them don't seem to care about the film as they put no effort forth in any of their performances. Which begs the question, why should you care about a movie when not even the actors give a damn about it?

Now where things should pick up for the story is right from the get go when the body is found in the apartment, the woman is found handcuffed to the bed with a massive blood pool around her lifeless body. Call the police should be the first thing that happens but no, these guys think they're smart remember? So they try and figure it all out by themselves, who did it, when, how and why? It should be easy to figure out since they're the only ones who know about the place and are the only ones with keys to the apartment. This being where the flashbacks begin to blend into the story and we are left to put the pieces together in this gripping mystery. Well, it's far from all that as the characters and dialogue never make it quite as interesting as the creators of The Loft make it out to be. The story tries to throw distractions in for the viewers by making you think there could be some grand scheme in the works that involves high level people you don't want to mess with or maybe the mysterious Anne has something to do with the whole setup as it's revealed her diseased sister was a patient of Chris's psychiatric practice. It's not half as suspenseful as it is made out to be and never supplies any shock or emotion that a movie like this needs in order to be any good.

When all is said and done, The Loft is a mess of bad ideas about five guys who never seem all that interested in cheating in the first place, they buy a loft and frankly don't do anything with it. Except for Karl Urban's character who apparently sleeps with every woman in the film. The whole thing fails to be anything close to a thriller and fails even more at trying to make somewhat of a mystery out of the whole ordeal. Maybe if somebody could crack the mold on some of the lifeless faceless on screen then I could have been bothered to show some interest but save yourselves the trouble and find a better thriller somewhere else.

Good:

- Not a thing

Bad:

- Lifeless characters

- Absence of any sort of thrilling moments for an alleged thriller movie

- Convoluted and messy story that was doomed from the get go

Scully Rating: 1.0 out of 10

Almost Human

By: Robert Murphy

This is a review I have been meaning to get to for awhile now as Almost Human was something that peeked my interests the moment I saw it advertised. The year is 2048 and the world is everything that you have imagined the future would be like in terms of how far humanity has come with technology. The story is set around a pair of cops who couldn't be more wrong for each other, go figure right? Detective John Kennex (Karl Urban) is a gruff and gritty man who doesn't too much care for androids which is unfortunate because cops in this time are partnered with them almost always. Enter the android, Dorian (Michael Ealy) who is part of a long decommissioned group of androids who were suppose to be more human-like and therefore better but things don't always go that way. The two are paired together and despite the cliche mismatched cop dynamic screaming in my head the show works. 

As I said earlier, the futuristic dystopia of a world that the characters are set in really has been done to death whether it be in films or in other television shows. All those 80's and 90's movies use to picture a world where we all would one day live in by this point and it often looked bleak and needed saving. This is where I find fault with a show like Almost Human for the simple fact that it's been done to death but the themes are what save it all frankly. Crime is always a problem it seems and it has gotten a lot more unique as technology has progressed so far, trafficking organs gets more ingenious when you can grow them in a jar rather than farm them from innocent victims. I somewhat felt like the show was what Robocop could have been if it was ever a television show as Kennex and Dorian take down criminals together.

What's also good is the relationship between Kennex and Dorian themselves, you can forget all the futuristic nonsense going on around them and the crime fighting when you see the two work so well together. Ealy's portrayal as Dorian is fantastic as he plays the friendly android that knows just how to push Urban's character Kennex in the right ways. Dorian often gets his kicks out of watching Kennex relationship with one of the other detectives, Valerie Stahl (Minka Kelly) after he points out how much Kennex really has something for her. Kennex himself was everything you expected him to be when you first see him as the rough around the edges kind of cop who was still great at his job as a cop though. Kennex does warm up though as you often see the grumpy character do in this sour and sweet cop situations, plus he's Karl Urban, you gotta love the guy. 

I do wish that there had been a better supporting cast of characters to the show alongside of Kennex and Dorian because as good of main characters they're, you can't rest it all on them with a show. The resident Captain Sandra Maldonado (Lili Taylor) was really just a flat character whose only relevance came up when she was handing out orders. Rudy Lom (Mackenzie Crook) was an interesting surprise to the show as the quirky lab tech but he just doesn't get out enough like another quirky lab tech Abby from NCIS. And of course there's other detectives who come on the screen but go away just as quickly, the only one making any impact would be Valerie Stahl for her estrange love interest to Detective Kennex and the joy it brings to Dorian. 

In conclusion, Almost Human is something that carries a spark of something like a movie that you know you shouldn't love but do for some reason, it's there and it makes you laugh and watch along. It probably comes from the great chemistry of Kennex and Dorian who make great partners in a very cliche situation. Other characters though don't stand out enough and settle in for the ride with the rest of us as our cop duo do there thing. The cases and the partnership are truly what save you from all the cliches and made Almost Human stay alive for me, shame it won't be getting another season, FOX strikes again. 

Good:

- Dorian and Kennex make a perfect team with great on screen chemistry

- The cases are very solid and enjoyable

- Something of a nostalgic feel to it for my childhood

Bad:

- It has many cliches to it that are hard not to see

- The done to death futuristic dystopia feel

- Side characters are less than that and really needed to be more 

Scully Rating: 6.0 out of 10